Alyssa

i miss her so much that it's starting to ruin my life.

only she doesnt seem to understand i wasn't just using her.

But there's no way to show her what i really meant.

As she avoids me the rest of her life, thinking i used her. Thinking i never really loved her. Not realizing i could never do something like that to her.

...never to her...

That i really did love her, and still do . enough to cry over losing her every night.

Darling, i miss you. Way too much for words to even come close to explaining. And i know every time i try i mess up, screw it up more. Every time you just think im more of an idiot. More stupid and using. But i'm not. I'm not exactly sure it's that i have to change so much as you need to understand. but it's not your fault. and i don't blame you. Because it is me that has done all the damage and all the wrong. that the only one i can blame is myself. im sorry for missing you.